I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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