The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
tell me about the fingering
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