the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
