Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
