You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
