my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
