Why does Corona taste like a burp?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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