i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
im on a boat
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