Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
