Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
