Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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