Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
