i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
