so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
