Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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