Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she pinky promised me she was 18
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
