waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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