I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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