Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
