Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
