Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
