saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
