Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
