why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
