I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
