I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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