Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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