I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
