Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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