clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
