dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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