break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
