I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
