i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
