I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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