If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
