we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
