these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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