My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
