R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
