I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a search helicopter?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
