I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
