Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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