haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Randomize
