so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
