she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
