dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
