I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
