apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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