I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she woke up with a sticky ear
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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