Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
