i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
