Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
